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The Cynical Scribe's Guide to the Top Twenty Oncology Labs in the US

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Horizontales
We're #6 now, because our recently-retired CEO was the shrewdest shopper at every cancer lab fire sale. Tough act to follow.
We're #15, and the leading academic reference lab in the western time zones.
We're #13. We were doing NGS oncology panels before every other lab in this puzzle
We're #7. We used to be #3. If BB King was still alive, he could write a blues ballad about our stock and revenue trajectory.
We're #18. Last year our research sequencing volume was down 36% but our research revenue was up 37%. Ask Genentech how we pulled off that trick.
We're #2. We do more CLIA tumor markers than any other lab, mostly on Atellicas.
We're #3. We do more flow cytometry than any other lab group.
We're #14. Don't even think about opening a lab in northern Ohio without checking with us first.
We're #10; once we were #4. We made Caris look smart in 2011, then we made Miraca look dumb in 2017.
Verticales
We're #16. We were saved by the coronavirus. Only Quest and Labcorp did more Covid tests than we did.
We're #12. Our CEO sold our AP business at the top of the market in 2011. Recently he pulled off an in $834m private placement. He knows how to catch the big fish.
We're #8, and the world's busiest liquid biopsy lab.
G'Day Mate -We're #5 in the US, #2 in Europe, and #1 Down Under.
We're #1. We turn stool specimens into 400 bucks, and we did it 2m times last year.
We're #20, and we wear the biggest boots in Dallas.
We're #9. Our lab serves the world's largest group practice, and we do a lot of reference work.
We're #4. Drug companies drive by our lab and throw big bags of cash at our front door. Nice work if you can get it.
We're #11 now, but we'll be #8 or #9 next year. We're the Walmart of NGS labs.
We're #19. More than 100 pathologists bill under their own names from our lab in Tennessee, so it's hard to grasp how busy we are.
We're #17. All these thyroid FNAs enabled most of our C-suite to retire over the last three years.