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The Cynical Scribe's Guide to The Top Twenty of Covid Testing

If you need extra clues, contact [email protected].
Horizontales
We're #14. Our Covid business is mostly POC molecular in the US, but we sell antibody tests too. Italian labs love us.
We're #17, we're Swiss, and we wouldn't be here without Thermo.
We're #15. We've got agnostic syndromic panels that work on any platform, big immunoassay systems for your antibodies, and cheap-and-easy antigen tests.
We're #19. Trump came for a photo op at our old swab factory. Then threw us a bag of cash to pay for a new swab factory.
We're #8. Remember that $1.3b we paid for EuroImmun in 2017? Such a bargain, in retrospect.
We're #20. We're mostly famous for our chemistry and QC kits. Last year we started a lab services business in the UK that buys our kits.
We're #9. We're easy, we're fast. and we've placed 30,000+ modules worldwide. Our revenues doubled - from $1b to $2b last year.
We're #13. Our sister company is #9. We sell a lot of liquid handing robotics and a few antibody tests
We're #16. We'e the ddPCR team and we have a plan to turn sewage into dollars.
We're #12. We've got a fast PCR test and we went from desperate to €312m in one year.
Verticales
We're #6. We're pretty close to #5 in rapid antigen tests, and we have an open PCR master mix for molecular labs.
We're #7 - the Lyon-Salt Lake City Axis Powers
We're #11. We sold a lot more in sample processing and essential OEM components than we sold in tests.
We're #10. Our revenues increased ten-fold in 2020. Before that, we helped Hologic develop Panther Fusion.
We're #4. Our 2,400 fearsome felines brought in $680k per cat in 2020. Mostly Covid, also some STI and viral loads.
We're #3. We've got everything #2 has, but they sold more cheap antigen tests than we did.
We're #1. We demonstrated that it's not always about menu. We sold automation.
We're #2. We've got big molecular, small molecular, cheap antigen, and big antibody. We've got the most menu.
We're #18. We had finite production capacity for our media and swabs. We starved Europe to get the better prices paid by the US market.
We're #5. We sell the most rapid antigen tests and we've placed 70,000 cheap readers worldwide. We're also #5 in central lab PCR.